My Friend Thinks Her Toddler Is a Child Genius. Uh, No.
I’m looking for advice on how to deal with my competitive best friend. We’ve been in each other’s lives for a very long time now (since we were children, and we were particularly close during our mid-late teenage years). We are now both in our early 30s, with long-term partners. In the last few years, it feels like she makes everything in our lives a competition by comparing anything she can. She comes off as envious at times, and I feel like she belittles and patronizes others as a way of dealing with that.
She has an 18-month-old son who, in her mind, is incredibly advanced. I know most parents are proud of their children, but her “bragging” goes above and beyond. He’s just started speaking, but you would think he’s earned a Nobel Prize, by the way she goes on about it to others. Personally, though I’m not an expert, he certainly seems a little “ahead” of his milestones but not in a “child genius” kind of way. She often tries to compare him to my brother’s daughter, who she knows has always been very advanced for her age, and fishes for compliments that they are similar (though they are not).
My partner and I are expecting a baby of our own early next year, and I’m worried about how our friendship will be affected. I already worry that our children will be unfairly compared to each other and that she will try and turn “child-rearing” into yet another competition. I already feel the struggles of maintaining our friendship right now, and I know she can feel that I am distancing myself from her. But at the same time, I don’t want to lose my best friend. When she’s not being competitive or patronizing, she is wonderful, thoughtful, kind, and one of the only people who understands me. And I know she would love on our baby very much (and it sure does take a village!). I just can’t stand how she makes me and my other half feel sometimes!
—Not Sure This Is the Village For Me
https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/11/toddler-genius-no-care-and-feeding.html
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