Masked Bandit Goes on Boozy Rampage, Passes Out in Liquor Store Bathroom

ASHLAND, Va. — Employees arriving to open a Virginia liquor store expected to stock shelves and ring up customers. Instead, they found what appeared to be the aftermath of an overnight burglary.

Broken bottles littered the floor. Liquor had pooled in the aisles. A ceiling tile had collapsed. Something had clearly gone very, very wrong.

The culprit?

A raccoon.

According to Hanover County Animal Protection, the furry nighttime visitor crashed through a ceiling tile sometime after the store closed, then apparently decided to sample the merchandise. Authorities say the four-legged “masked bandit” helped itself to liquor from several bottles on the lower shelves before continuing what officials later described as a full-blown drunken rampage.

After leaving a trail of destruction through the store, the intoxicated raccoon wandered into the employee restroom, where it apparently decided the evening had gone on long enough.

Store employees eventually discovered the animal passed out on the bathroom floor, sleeping peacefully beside a toilet.

Hanover County Animal Protection Officer Samantha Martin responded to the unusual call and safely collected the heavily intoxicated suspect.

“I personally like raccoons,” Martin said. “They are funny little critters. He fell through one of the ceiling tiles and went on a full-blown rampage, drinking everything.”

The raccoon was transported to the local animal shelter, where officials said it slept off its adventure. After several hours—and showing no signs of injury other than what they jokingly described as “a hangover and poor life choices”—the animal was released back into the wild. Shelter officials added they hoped it had learned that “breaking and entering is not the answer.”

The bizarre incident quickly spread across social media, where people had far more sympathy than criticism for the tiny troublemaker.

One commenter wrote:

“He only came for the spirits.”

Another observed:

“At least he had the good sense to pass out next to the toilet.”

And perhaps the best response of all:

“Please don’t judge him. He’s going through a raccoon divorce.”

Police have not announced whether the raccoon will face charges, although sources say the district attorney may be willing to reduce the offense to misdemeanor public intoxication… provided the defendant agrees to stay away from the whiskey aisle in the future.