A mutual friend is messaging my boyfriend in secret

Dear Abby: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months now, and on the surface everything between us feels solid , we get along, we communicate well, and there’s real chemistry. But there’s a situation involving a mutual friend that’s starting to make me uneasy in a way I can’t ignore.

This friend is married and currently going through marriage counseling with her husband. Here’s where it gets messy: before my boyfriend and I got together, she had shown clear interest in him. Now, she still texts him, often , and has gone out of her way to tell him not to show me what she’s saying. That alone feels like a giant red flag to me.

Some of the messages come late at night, and while he insists they’re mostly about her marital problems, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something more emotional — or even flirtatious, slipping in. Why the secrecy if everything is innocent? It makes me feel like I’m being kept in the dark on purpose.

My boyfriend says he’s just trying to be there for her because they’ve been friends for a couple of years, and he feels bad that she’s struggling. He doesn’t want to abandon her during a rough time, especially when her marriage seems shaky. But from where I’m standing, it feels less like friendly support and more like he’s being pulled into something inappropriate — maybe even becoming her emotional backup plan.

I’ve told him that asking for secrecy is not normal and suggests she may be trying to build a private connection with him that crosses boundaries. He says I’m overthinking it, but my gut is telling me otherwise.

Am I being paranoid, or is this as concerning as it feels?

— FEELING ON EDGE IN MINNESOTA