Claiming It’s A Drug Boat, Trump Drone-Strikes Noah’s Ark
BabylonBee.com
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A massive vessel reportedly carrying “every kind of animal” was destroyed Friday following a tactical drone strike authorized by President Trump, the White House confirmed.
In a national address from the Oval Office, President Trump said he gave the order personally after intelligence identified the target as a suspected drug ship operating in international waters.
“My fellow Americans, our military has just taken out what might be the biggest drug boat ever — truly enormous,” President Trump said. “Our intel said it was about 300 cubits long, 50 wide, and 30 high — a big, beautiful ship — and now it’s gone.”
While early intelligence reports described the vessel as part of a major narcotics operation, officials later confirmed that no drugs were found at the site. Instead, recovery teams discovered the remains of thousands of animals of various species.
Secretary of War Pete Hegseth said investigators are still working to understand the cargo.
“We can confirm the ship was destroyed,” Hegseth stated. “It appears the traffickers may have been using animals — possibly even mules — to conceal the contraband.”
The strike has already sparked political debate in Washington. Senator Rand Paul issued a sharp rebuke on X, declaring, “That was our last refuge! WE ARE NOW ALL CONDEMNED TO DIE IN THE GREAT DELUGE!”
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