My Wife Said She Wanted to Experience “Everything With Me” Years Ago. I Want to Hold Her to It.

My wife and I are in our 40s and have been married for 17 years, with three kids. While dating we did some oral/hand stuff and had good chemistry and when we did start having sex, we were very compatible. At one point she said she “wanted to experience everything with me.” However, over the years the list of things she doesn’t want to do again or even try has grown longer.

I’m willing to give anything an honest try, but there are a lot of things I’m content knowing are not even on the table (non-monogamy, anal, extreme BDSM). But her list of things she “doesn’t need” is frustrating me. If she is skeptical about trying something, she goes into it expecting to not enjoy it, and she doesn’t. I really enjoy approaching our time together focusing on enhancing her pleasure, since she can go multiple times. I honestly love going down on her and when I do she seems to enjoy it, but she’s a nurse and thinks it’s gross (even after a shower) and will refuse my request way more often than not (I’ve had to make that my birthday treat). She will often ask what she can do to enhance my pleasure but doesn’t really want to try my ideas. I’ve all but given up on getting a BJ. She is uncomfortable being on top (even bought a chair that I LOVED… the one time we used it) and she doesn’t want to explore other on-top positions. I’d enjoy watching her solo with her fingers or dildos, but she doesn’t want that. Most lingerie or stockings she finds uncomfortable or takes too long to put on. She knows I would enjoy these things but never initiates them and I don’t feel right to keep asking when she’s turned them down.

So our (infrequent) routine has become: getting naked, hopping under the covers, me playing around down there to get her one to two orgasms. She will give me a little oral while I do that. Then begs me to get on top of her for a final one together. I usually come too, beause I love watching the pleasure she gets, but it’s a fairly weak orgasm if I haven’t edged a couple of times. So I mostly do all the work, and often feel unappreciated and not very satisfied. I’d like my question to be, “How can I get my wife to be more adventurous?” But in conversations with her sex is good, but low on her hierarchy of needs in our relationship. And it must be higher on mine. As long as we are married, she’s the only woman I am ever going to be with. While I’m sad I may not have certain experiences in life, I will probably not lay on my death bed regretting she didn’t wear fishnets and a skirt more often. But I still can’t help but feel her saying “I don’t need that” really means “I don’t want it and don’t really care if you do.” So, I guess what I’m asking is can you help convince me that I am being a freaky selfish prick and should just learn to be satisfied with any amount/kind of sex I can get?

—Yearning to Be Satisfied

https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/09/wife-experience-everything-sexual-advice.html