Parenting Experts Want You To Use Words Like ‘Vulva’ And ‘Anus’ With Your Infant
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Parenting specialists are recommending that mothers and fathers start using accurate anatomical terms like “vulva,” “penis,” and “anus” with their babies, framing diaper changes as early lessons in consent and body awareness.
A new report from Deakin University in Australia encourages parents to treat diaper time as an opportunity to help infants understand their own bodies and personal boundaries. The researchers suggest beginning each change by explaining what is about to happen and pausing so the baby can absorb the information—even if they are months away from speaking.
“At the start of a nappy change, ensure your child knows what is happening,” the report states. “Get down to their level and say, ‘You need a nappy change,’ and then pause so they can take this in.”
The report also recommends giving babies small choices, such as walking to the changing table or being carried, and observing cues in their facial expressions and body language. The goal, according to the study, is to normalize conversations about touch, consent, and anatomy from the earliest stage of life.
Some experts advocate going further by asking questions like, “Can you please lift up your bottom so I can slide your nappy out?” and avoiding distractions such as toys or songs. The researchers emphasize that diaper changes should not be rushed but instead treated as foundational lessons in consent.
“This can be a time to help children learn about consent and how their bodies work,” the authors wrote.
The guidance reflects principles of “gentle parenting,” a widely discussed approach favored by many younger millennials and Gen Z parents. According to the Deakin researchers, teaching children the correct names for their private parts can increase safety by making it easier for children to report inappropriate behavior.
“Parents may feel uncomfortable and think more childish names should be used,” the report notes. “But using the correct terms keeps children safe, allowing them to inform trusted adults about experiences with all the people who care for them.”
Outside experts agree that talking to infants during diaper changes has value, even if the child cannot yet respond verbally. Yamalis Diaz, a clinical child psychologist at NYU Langone, told the New York Post that the practice is less about seeking verbal consent and more about building lifelong habits of communication and body awareness.
“This is about integrating the teaching of consent into the parenting routine early on,” Diaz said. “It increases parents’ awareness of all the ways the need for consent occurs in a child’s life.”
Psychotherapist Lesley Koeppel added that narrating actions for babies is symbolic but meaningful.
“Babies cannot verbally agree or disagree, but parents can still explain what they are doing,” Koeppel said. “This builds a foundation for bodily autonomy long before a child has language.”
This approach mirrors earlier recommendations from Australian educator Deanne Carson in 2018, who suggested asking infants for “consent” before changing a diaper. Carson, founder of Body Safety Australia, said the practice teaches bodily autonomy and may reduce the risk of future abuse.
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