Help! I Thought My Boyfriend and I Were Perfect for Each Other. Then I Saw Pictures of His Sister.

Dear Prudence,

I’m 23 and have been dating my boyfriend, “Matt,” also 23, for just over two years. We went to college together—I’m somewhat local, and Matt’s family lives across the country. We don’t live together, but we’re close enough to have regular dates and sleepovers. Matt has met my family a few times, but I hadn’t met his parents until recently. We visited them—they live on the outskirts of a tourist city—and had dinner there on the last night of the trip.

I know Matt had a younger sister, “Marie,” who died in a car accident at 17. We started dating a few months after her death. Matt has shown me a few pictures, and I thought we looked somewhat similar—mainly in skin tone, eye color, and glasses. But at his parents’ house, where family photos are everywhere, I noticed that Marie and I look strikingly alike. It’s not just physical features—though our skin tone, hair color, and facial features are very similar—but also mannerisms. The way she appears in the photos reminds me of myself.

We aren’t identical, and anyone could easily tell us apart, but I’m feeling increasingly uneasy. Some of the photos Matt showed me before seemed poorly lit, and when I casually mentioned the similarities at dinner, Matt’s dad quickly changed the subject. Thinking about all of this gives me a pit in my stomach, though Matt has never said anything unusual about his sister. I’m confused and could use some guidance.

—Confused and Concerned

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