Help! I Tried to Do a Good Deed by Taking Out My Elderly Neighbor’s Trash. I Can’t Believe the Mess It’s Caused.

Dear Prudence,

I live on the top floor of a five-story walk-up with no elevator. I have a small dog that needs to go out twice a day, which is about all the exercise I get since I work from home. On my trips up and down, I’ve always taken out the trash for a few of my elderly neighbors—it’s no big deal to me as long as they double-bag and don’t make the bags too heavy.

Recently, my downstairs neighbor’s pregnant granddaughter moved in, and things went downhill fast. She started leaving me nasty notes about “stomping around” when I walk in my apartment, even though I have carpets and do my best to be quiet. After the baby was born, their trash piled up. When I got sick and couldn’t take it out for a few days, I got an even ruder note.

Once I felt better, I tried to help by taking a big load down—but none of the bags were double-bagged, and they ripped open. Trash and dirty diapers ended up all over two flights of stairs. I went to ask the granddaughter to help clean it up, and she told me she “couldn’t leave the baby” and called me a bitch for even asking. My elderly neighbor was right there and didn’t say a word.

It took help from other neighbors and the maintenance guy to get everything cleaned up. Since then, I’ve stopped taking that neighbor’s trash altogether. The granddaughter has moved out, and now the grandmother’s been leaving me “nice” notes and even tried to make peace with a plate of cookies (I returned them).

Other neighbors think I should forgive her—“She’s just an old lady, and one day you’ll be old too.” But honestly, I can’t get past being treated like garbage while literally cleaning up someone else’s. I’m on the verge of stopping my good-deed trash runs altogether. I believe in “live and let live,” but cleaning up someone’s dirty diapers is several miles past that line.

Am I being too harsh, or is it okay to set this boundary?

—Taking Out the Trash

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