🚨 Do You Suffer from TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome)? 🚨
Doctors still can’t find a cure, but here are the telltale symptoms:
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Compulsive Comment Syndrome: You can’t pass a news story with “Trump” in the headline without diving into the comments section like a lifeguard on Red Bull, desperate to throw shade.
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Allergic to Good News: If the economy goes up, jobs increase, or peace breaks out, you break out too — in hives.
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Orange Vision: No matter what you look at — Cheetos, traffic cones, the Home Depot paint aisle — you scream “TRUMP!” and start foaming at the mouth.
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Secret Sadistic Pleasure: You find yourself wandering into pro-Trump forums, just to poke at supporters, then sit back with popcorn, giggling like a Saturday morning cartoon villain.
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Midnight Rage Tweets: You wake up at 3 a.m. just to type “dictator!! fascist!!” on articles you didn’t even read.
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Obsessive Fact-Checking Paralysis: You Google “Trump lies” so often your search bar auto-completes it before you type “T.”
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Hallucinations: You swear you hear his voice every time someone says “bigly” or “tremendous.”
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PTSD (Post Trump Speech Disorder): Whenever he gives a rally speech, you clutch your pearls so hard they look like gravel.
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Mirror Syndrome: You catch yourself practicing your next Trump insult in the bathroom mirror, only to get mad when you accidentally sound like him.
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Emotional Seesaw: If Trump saves a puppy, you insist he kidnapped it first.
If you’ve experienced three or more of these symptoms, congratulations — you might have a chronic case of TDS!
But don’t worry, you’re not alone. Millions of sufferers log on daily, searching for their next dopamine hit of outrage. The first step is admitting: “Hi, my name is Karen, and I can’t stop hate-scrolling Trump stories.”
Treatment options include:
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Logging off Twitter for more than 7 minutes (side effects: cold sweats, hallucinations of Trump in the wallpaper).
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Trying a new hobby (knitting, birdwatching, or maybe reading the actual article before commenting).
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Or the hardest one of all… just admitting he might be right once in a while.
This has been a Public Health Announcement from the Department of Common Sense and Meme Medicine.
Please, for the safety of your blood pressure and Wi-Fi router, seek help immediately if you experience sudden urges to yell “ORANGE MAN BAD” at your toaster.
📞 Call 1-800-NO-TDS today. Operators are standing by to remind you to touch grass, hug a puppy, and maybe turn off CNN for an hour.
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