Gold Star Widow Fighting to Be Buried Next to Husband Has New Evidence
TENINO, Wash. — The widow of a Vietnam War veteran says she has uncovered long-lost documentation proving that the U.S. Army promised her a burial plot beside her late husband—despite another veteran now being interred there.
Mary Dowling, 86, has visited her husband’s grave at Camp Lewis Post Cemetery on Joint Base Lewis-McChord (JBLM) for more than 50 years. Her husband, Chief Warrant Officer Robert M. Dowling, an Army helicopter pilot, was killed in action on Jan. 12, 1966, in the South China Sea.
Mary, who never remarried and raised four children alone, had always believed she would one day be laid to rest beside him. But during a visit to the cemetery in late 2022, she was shocked to find another veteran’s remains had been buried in the plot that was supposed to be hers.
The U.S. Army maintains that burial decisions are final and has offered to bury Mary in the same grave as her husband—but not in her own adjacent plot. The family has rejected that offer, saying the original promise was for a separate grave and headstone.
Now, the Dowlings believe they have found crucial evidence to prove their claim.
Discovery of Crucial Letter
In July, Mary Dowling and her son Bobby discovered a letter from a “Memorial Affairs Officer” confirming her reserved burial plot next to her husband’s—Lot 9 in Section 2, Row F of the cemetery. The letter had been tucked away in a box of old papers in her Tenino home.
It adds to a 1966 letter the family had already provided to the Army, in which a mortuary officer asked Mary to confirm burial arrangements for her husband and an adjacent reservation for herself.
Bobby Dowling says the newly found letter represents one of several confirmation letters his mother used to receive annually. He recalled personally calling the mortuary office in the early 2000s, during his time as a federal employee, to confirm her reservation was still valid.
“They would reassure me every time: ‘She’s here forever just like all the other widows,’” he said.
Army Response and Ongoing Dispute
In 2023, JBLM Garrison Chief of Staff David Fullmer acknowledged to The News Tribune that maps showed the Dowling name on two plots, but said the Army had no record of a formal reservation. He believed the reservation was lost during a system transfer in 2022. “Without a reservation we cannot keep plots obligated indefinitely,” Fullmer wrote.
The newly discovered letter, however, appears to contradict that position.
Despite the evidence, the Army maintains that the matter was thoroughly reviewed last year. In an Aug. 8 statement, an Army spokesperson said:
“The Department of the Army is dedicated to ensuring Mrs. Dowling receives a dignified burial in the same grave alongside her beloved husband at her time of need… unless she remarries.”
Bobby Dowling says that’s not enough. On Aug. 1, he sent a letter to the director of the Office of Army Cemeteries demanding that his mother’s reserved plot be restored, along with a formal apology and an update to cemetery records. As of mid-August, he says he has received no response.
Mary Dowling says the situation weighs on her heavily.
“Just about every night it pops into my head,” she said. “I go over and over everything in my mind. I’m getting older now, and I worry… will I have a place to go, like I always planned?”
Her son added, “It just needs to be made right, and the Army has not done that in 971 days since this discovery.”
Political Support and Next Steps
Washington state Representatives Marilyn Strickland and Dan Newhouse both became involved in 2023. Strickland’s office participated in a February 2023 meeting with the Dowlings and Army officials and submitted an inquiry. A staffer for Newhouse, who is also part of a Gold Star family, also stepped in.
On Aug. 8, Strickland’s office said it had no updates. A spokesperson for Newhouse’s office said they are reviewing whether any new information has come in and expressed willingness to reconnect with Mary Dowling.
As for the Dowlings, they say they’ll keep fighting—not just for Mary’s rightful burial, but to protect the promises made to other Gold Star families.
“She won’t go down without a fight,” Bobby said. “And neither will I.”
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