Trump Prepares For Dinner With President Xi By Ordering Servants To Slaughter The Fattened Cat
BabylonBee.com
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In preparation for an historic dinner with Chinese President Xi Jinping, President Donald Trump ordered White House kitchen staff to slaughter the fattened cat.
The tubby cat, nicknamed “Dumpling” by White House servants, had been kept for years in anticipation of a visit from Xi and was set to be featured as the main dish for the formal state dinner.
“It’s going to be a feast like you wouldn’t believe,” said Trump. “China has been away from D.C. for many years, and has finally come back. It’s been decades since China has been here, they didn’t come back for Sleepy Joe, because he was such a loser and very weak. But Xi knows there’s always a place in Trump’s house for him, so we’re going to slaughter the fattened cat, the big one. ‘Dumpling,’ they call him, which is so beautiful since a Chinese person will eat him. You know how much they love their dumplings, and cats too, if you can believe it. They’re eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats. It’s wild.”
According to officials, Trump will also place a changshan, the traditional formal Chinese robe, upon Xi at his arrival. Xi will also be adorned with a Kung Fu jacket, and have a dragon ring placed upon his finger. “We’re really pulling out all the stops to make it feel like a welcome home,” said Presidential servant Max Caldwell. “From the moment he arrives, and Trump rushes out to meet him, Xi will know he’s back where he belongs.”
At publishing time, Trump had ordered members of his staff to be prepared to sound the giant White House gong upon Xi’s arrival.
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