I’m insulted when anxious son-in-law refuses to eat the dishes I’ve cooked

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law, “Ivan,” was raised in a troubled family. His father has many food phobias and drug issues. Ivan has never held a job and still lives with his parents. (My daughter lives there too.)

I see Ivan developing the same issues as his father. He often cancels visits because he thinks he’s sick. The last time, he said he was sick for six weeks. (I’m pretty sure he wasn’t.) Ivan is fearful of foods. His distrust of dishes I have prepared borders on insulting. He’s also a germophobe. If someone coughs anywhere near him, he becomes “sick” soon afterward.

Ivan also doesn’t like being outside because he’s afraid of bees and bugs. He is very controlling of conversations and activities. I don’t think it’s as much a control thing as it is fear. He’s always had mild issues with germs and food, but, lately, they seem to be becoming more extreme.

I can’t talk to my daughter about these things. If I say anything, even in the most careful and neutral way, she explodes at me. I just learned Ivan is on anxiety medication. I hope I’m overreacting, but I’m worried for my daughter’s safety. Are people with extreme anxiety and phobias dangerous to the people around them?

— DIAGNOSING IN OHIO