I Want to Help Him as a Friend, but I Can’t Forget the Arguments We Had

Dear Abby,

I was in a long-term relationship with a wonderful man for many years. We were never married, but we shared a life and built a lot of memories together. I was always focused on building my business and investing for my future. Those pursuits often caused tension between us because he didn’t understand why I treated my investments as if they were my children. He would get frustrated, and we’d argue. Eventually, we decided to part ways, but we’ve remained great friends.

A few years ago, he came to me asking for help to buy a new truck. I agreed because I cared about him and because we had shared a life together once. I didn’t think twice-it felt natural to help a friend.

Now, he’s come to me again, asking for another big favor: a new snow plow for his truck. I just couldn’t say no. I know he will make good money with it, and I wanted to help. But I have to admit, it makes me angry. When I was investing in my future, he would get upset, try to talk me out of it, or act like I was wasting my time. And now, here he is benefiting from my support while I can’t help but remember all those arguments.

Am I wrong for feeling resentful? I want to support him as a friend, but I can’t shake the frustration of how different things were when I was prioritizing my own growth.

—Invested & Conflicted