“Should Children Have to Hug? Family Boundaries in Louisiana”

Dear Abby,

I’m a mother from Louisiana, and I’m struggling with something that happens almost every time our family gets together. My 8-year-old daughter is a sweet, polite, and affectionate child — but she’s also very clear about her personal boundaries. She doesn’t like being forced to hug or kiss people, even close relatives.

At every family gathering, the same scene plays out: an aunt or grandparent opens their arms, expecting a hug or a kiss, and my daughter hesitates. When she politely says she’d rather wave or give a high-five, someone always chimes in with, “Don’t be rude — give Aunt So-and-So a hug!” or “That’s no way to treat family!”

I can see how uncomfortable it makes her, and honestly, it makes me uncomfortable too. I was raised in a generation where kids were expected to show affection on command, but times have changed. I want my daughter to understand that her body is her own and that she gets to decide who touches her — even if it’s just a hug from a well-meaning relative.

My husband says I should just let it go, that it’s “harmless family affection,” but I feel like forcing her sends the wrong message. On the other hand, I don’t want to create tension or seem disrespectful to the older relatives who view hugs and kisses as a sign of love.

Abby, am I overthinking this? How can I help my family understand that this isn’t about being rude — it’s about teaching my daughter that she has the right to her own boundaries?

Signed,
Finally Caught but Worth the Wait in Louisiana