I could use some perspective on a situation that happened over the holidays with my soon-to-be father-in-law. My fiancée and I have been together for about four years and got engaged six months ago. We do not see her parents frequently because they live across the country (I have visited them with her about once a year since we met). My fiancée has a good relationship with them and our visits have been free of conflict in the past, and according to her they are supportive of our engagement.
This Christmas was the first time we have seen them since we got engaged, and one evening her father was showing us some family photo albums he had recently unearthed while cleaning out the basement. To my shock, on one page there were several old photos of a completely nude man lounging in a lawn chair with his legs spread. I was clearly caught off guard, which made her father chuckle heartily and share that that was his father and that there was a “long tradition of well-hung men in this family.”
He then said that he was so happy his daughter had met me and that he hoped I was “satisfying” her and would continue to for years to come, which made her burst out laughing. I tried to brush it off and didn’t bring it up with her, but the next night while helping set the table he asked if my hands were “big enough” to carry the multiple items I was bringing to the table. I had had enough, and that night I shared my concerns with my fiancée and told her how uncomfortable I was, but she said that’s just how he is and that it’s a sign that he’s comfortable around me and feels like he can be himself.
After we returned home, I tried to forget about it, but I am finding myself having intrusive thoughts about it and am feeling increasingly offended. I would consider myself to be secure in my masculinity, but I’m starting to question her father’s impression of me. I genuinely do not want him making comments like this in the future, but I also worry that I’m reading into it too much and am making a big deal out of nothing. I’m thinking about asking my fiancée to bring it up with him, but I worry that it would strain my relationship with him and only make him more inclined to tease me in the future about various things, including other highly personal topics. I’m having worst case scenario thoughts about him making comments like this at our wedding, or even during a toast, and I don’t know how I could live that down. How should I approach this before it’s too late?
