Asking Eric: My bully brother is dying. Is now the time to address the horrific things he did to me?
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By R. Eric Thomas
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Dear Eric: My 65-year-old brother Greg is dying. Lately, he has wanted to talk about how he has no regrets about the “wonderful” life he has led. Now he’s pressing me to tell him I have no regrets about my life, which has only caused me to think about how many I do have.
When we were growing up, Greg made my life hell. He bullied me mercilessly; he threatened me with sexual abuse. My parents were too busy dealing with his teachers or the police calling about Greg fighting or setting fires.
I do have to credit him for turning his life around when he was 30. He dove into a New Age religion and made a career out of helping other troubled adults get past their traumas.
In his 50s, Greg went on a mission to make amends to all the people he had hurt earlier in his life. When he approached me, I thought I would finally be getting the apology I had waited for my whole life. But he claimed to have forgotten the specifics of any of the horrific things he’d done to me.
I know Greg’s no-regrets mantra is his way of accepting his impending death. But I can’t tell this mostly unrepentant brother that I have no regrets. Just growing up in the wrong family was bad enough. What do I say to him about all this?
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– Trying to Reframe My Perspective
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