Help! The House My Daughter Wants to Buy Is in a Terrifying Neighborhood. She Refuses to See It That Way.

Dear Prudence,

My 32-year-old daughter is in the process of purchasing her own home. She is single and financially independent, and I could not be prouder of her and how her hard work is paying off. That said, my husband (her father) and I have some concerns about a house she has recently made an offer on. We live in the same city, and while we have not been heavily involved in the process, she recently took us to see the house because it is her first choice and she is thrilled about the prospect of living there.

She had mentioned that it was a fixer upper, but had not specified the neighborhood, and as we drove to the house, we were alarmed as we realized that it is in a neighborhood notorious for its gang violence and frequent public drug use. There are many liquor stores in the area with a number of men loitering outside, and we saw multiple men walking aimlessly down the street looking less than sober. Homelessness is a big concern in the area and the house is in close proximity to a number of homeless encampments, so I suspect a number of these men may have also been homeless.

Worse yet, based off of the relatively short amount of time we spent on the street looking at the house (probably fewer than minutes), I am quite confident that whoever lives in the house next door is selling drugs. Multiple people came to and from the house, leaving their cars illegally parked outside, and several other men were consistently standing outside smoking. The yard is full of trash and the sidewalk is covered with cigarette butts. I even saw what was clearly a needle on the sidewalk, just steps away from what would be my daughter’s yard. I was so stunned in the moment I barely spoke and just listened to my daughter point out elements of the exterior and plans that she has for a possible renovation. She seemed completely unfazed, even oblivious, to the activities going on next door and did not bring it up once.

Afterwards, we expressed our mutual concern to her about the safety of the neighborhood, especially as a woman living alone. She reacted strongly and suggested that we didn’t trust her judgment and ability to make important decisions for herself. When I expressed my suspicions about the house next door and questioned why she would want to live next to what was clearly a drug dealing operation, she grew even angrier and accused us of being racist because the neighborhood is predominately Black. We are a committedly anti-racist family and I was upset about the accusation, and the rest of the evening was tense and awkward.

Since then, she has contacted us less than usual and has not provided us with any updates about house hunting. I texted her to let her know that while we are proud of her and her journey towards being a homeowner, that her safety is our number one priority and that we were genuinely offended that she accused us of racism because of our concerns. She is (admirably) very involved in a number of anti-racist organizations and is passionate about racial justice, but I am concerned that her commitment to anti-racism and excitement about being a homeowner is blinding her to the realities of the neighborhood. There have been multiple shootings on her street alone in the last few years, and I just want her to be safe! Is there any way we can emphasize our concerns to her—and ideally convince her to not purchase this house—without her shutting us down? I don’t want her rose-colored glasses to jeopardize her safety and our relationship.

—Concerned Mom in California

https://slate.com/advice/2025/01/dear-prudence-dangerous-neighborhood.html