My Stepdaughters Steal My Pajamas and Drink My Booze. Why Won’t My Husband Stand Up for Me?

BY DAN KOIS

I can’t deal with my stepdaughters. They were considerate in their teens. They are now in college and have the manners of barely feral dogs. Despite having their own apartment, they think nothing of driving over and letting themselves into our home without checking in at all. I will come home to find my wet laundry left on the floor, the pantry raided, dirty dishes left out, and the lights left on. The door to our bedroom is often not shut all the way (I always close it). I had to start locking the liquor cabinet because bottles went missing. The girls deny doing this and said it was all in my head. My husband refused to back me up. So I secretly got security cameras set up for the front and back door and the living room.

We went away for the weekend and came home to an empty fridge and dishes left in the sink. I immediately went to the security footage and found both girls had brought friends over to spend the night. And lent them my pajamas! When I confronted the girls, they went crazy and accused me of “spying” on them. I yelled back that they went through my damn underwear drawer and I am missing one set of pajamas, what else did they or their friends steal from me! My husband had to get in the middle and made the girls leave.

When we got home, I told him we were getting the locks changed and the girls were not getting a key. He agreed, but thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill. This was the girls’ home. My answer: The girls had moved out. They lied to us, denied coming over without telling us, and went through my underwear drawer. I am lucky I keep my good jewelry in a safe. We had the locks changed but the girls refuse to apologize and I am afraid there might be an outburst during the holiday at their grandparents’ house. I am not crazy here. All I asked was for a heads-up, and they gaslight me. Help!

—Locked Out

https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/12/stepparent-advice-boundaries-home-access-keys.html