My Conservative Family Members Won’t Stop Trying to Cut My Son’s Hair

BY DOYIN RICHARDS

My 10-year-old son has long hair. He hasn’t had it cut in almost two years (except for a trim and once to get rid of an unfortunate mullet when it was growing out from a buzz cut) and it is currently at his shoulder blades. He loves his long hair and he does a good job of taking care of it—I almost never have to get onto him about washing or brushing it. He prefers to wear it down and chooses not to tie it back at all. However, it seems so many people close to us have something to say about his long hair. The majority of our family lives in a small, more conservative and traditional town, while we live in a much more progressive place across the country. He is 1 of 4 boys with hair is length in his class and there are two girls with buzz cuts. No one cares about hair. However, every time we FaceTime with our family or visit them, they comment on his hair. They don’t hound him about it, per se, but there are always a couple comments about when is he going to cut it and he has such a pretty face and would look so much better with his hair cut. His aunt and uncle were coming to visit recently and talking about the things they’d take him to do, and I heard them say “yeah right before we go to the park, we’ll stop by the barber shop and get you a haircut.”

These comments bother me because I think it is rude! I can’t imagine any situation in which telling someone, especially a child, that they would look better if their hair was a certain way or proposing haircuts that would suit them better, would be acceptable. I’ve asked my son if these comments bother him and if he wants me to say something to these people. He tells me they don’t bother him and he thinks they’re just “boring.” Should I say something or just leave it? Historically, if something bothers my son he will speak up. He has shut down people previously who had said “long hair/nail polish/the color pink is for girls” and stood up for a female classmate when someone said that she couldn’t like something because it was for boys and she was a girl. I feel like this is his issue to fight if he feels strongly about it, but I am really tired of hearing our family comment on his hair! Whenever I am feeling petty, I just want to open a conversation with “You’re still going with that blonde color? You’d look so much better if you went back to your natural brown” and see how they like it.

—His Battle to Fight

https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/09/secret-haircuts-care-and-feeding.html