Dear Abby: Do I Tell My Daughter-In-Law to Pound Sand

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a problem with our daughter-in-law that is beginning to affect our relationship with our son and grandchildren.

For the past three years, we have watched their two children every Friday night so our son and daughter-in-law can go out. We never asked to be paid because we enjoy spending time with the children, and we thought we were helping their marriage.

Last month, my husband and I were invited to a retirement dinner for one of his oldest friends. I gave our daughter-in-law nearly three weeks’ notice that we wouldn’t be available that particular Friday.

She seemed irritated but said she would “figure something out.” A few days later, she sent me a screenshot showing that she had hired a babysitter for five hours. She then asked if we would reimburse her the $125 because, in her words, we had “backed out of our regular commitment.”

I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.

When I refused, she told our son that we were unreliable and that she could no longer “build her schedule around people who don’t respect her time.” Our son now says we should simply pay the money to keep the peace.

Abby, we have provided hundreds of hours of free babysitting, along with meals, gifts and occasional overnight visits. We have never treated it as an obligation, but apparently our daughter-in-law does.

My husband is furious and wants to stop babysitting altogether. I don’t want to lose our Friday nights with the grandchildren, but I also don’t want to teach our daughter-in-law that she can send us a bill whenever we make plans of our own.

Are we being stubborn over $125, or has our generosity somehow turned into an unpaid job?

— GRANDMA ON THE CLOCK