Adult Child Thinks the Future Should Arrive Early
Dear Abby,
I’m writing because something happened recently that has left me feeling unsettled, and I’m not sure how to respond.
My spouse and I have two children, both in their thirties. Our older child has always been very responsible, steady job, homeowner, the sort of person who plans five years ahead and actually follows through. Our younger child has a different personality. They are creative, ambitious and full of ideas, but they have taken a more winding path in life changing careers a few times and always chasing the next opportunity.
We love them both dearly and have always tried to support them while still encouraging independence. We helped each of them through school and were there when they needed guidance starting out. Since then, they’ve been making their own way, which is exactly what we hoped for.
Recently, however, our younger child came to visit and asked to have a serious conversation. What followed shocked me more than I expected.
They asked if we would consider giving them their inheritance now.
Their argument was that they could “do much more with it now” than they could 30 or 40 years from now when we eventually pass away. They talked about investment opportunities, starting a business, and how receiving the money earlier could help them build something meaningful while they’re still young enough to take risks. They said waiting until they are in their sixties or seventies might not be as useful.
I must admit, I was stunned. It’s not something I ever imagined one of my children would ask. When I was growing up, the thought of asking my parents for my inheritance while they were still alive would have been unthinkable. It simply wasn’t done.
To be clear, my spouse and I are comfortable. We’ve worked hard, saved carefully and planned responsibly for retirement. But we are not wealthy by any stretch. We are well set, not filthy rich. The money we’ve saved is meant to ensure we can take care of ourselves as we age , especially since none of us knows what the future holds. Medical costs, long-term care, or simply living a long life could change everything. Who’s to say I won’t live to be 100 and need every dollar?
I don’t want to discourage my child’s ambition, and I understand their reasoning on a practical level. Still, the request itself left me feeling as though the cart had been put far before the horse.
Am I being old-fashioned in thinking this was an inappropriate thing to ask? Or is this becoming more common these days?
-Still Planning to Be Around a While
About Post Author
