Our Youngest Is Considering Something We Fear Will Change Her

Dear Abby,

My husband and I are the proud parents of three daughters, all now over the age of 21. We truly believe we raised them the right way. From the time they were little girls, we tried to teach them the importance of responsibility, kindness, faith, and respect for others. Looking at the women they have become today, I feel grateful every single day.

All three of our daughters are productive young women. They work hard, pay their own bills, and carry themselves with manners and dignity. They are polite to others and still show respect to my husband and me. Most importantly to us, they believe in God and try to live their lives with good values. None of them have had children outside of marriage, and they’ve avoided many of the poor choices we see so often these days. In a world where parents sometimes feel like they’ve lost influence over their children, we feel very blessed.

However, our youngest daughter recently told us she is thinking about getting a tattoo, and not a small one hidden somewhere discreet, but a rather large one on her arm of all places.

This has upset both my husband and me more than she seems to realize. We come from a different generation. When I was growing up, the only people who had tattoos were men and usually men who had served in the military. They were symbols of service, brotherhood, or life at sea. You rarely, if ever, saw a woman with one.

Today it seems like tattoos are everywhere, but to us they still look harsh and unattractive, especially on women. I hate to say it, but whenever I see a large tattoo on a woman’s arm, it immediately draws attention in a way that feels unladylike to me. It’s the first thing people notice.

What worries me most is that it’s permanent. Our daughter is a beautiful young woman, and I fear that covering her arm with ink will be something she regrets later in life. She likes wearing sleeveless dresses and tops, and with a tattoo on her arm, it would always be visible. It’s not something you can simply change your mind about.

I’m also concerned about the message it sends. Fair or not, people do make judgments. My husband has even said he worries it could affect the type of man who might want to marry her someday. We raised our daughters to carry themselves with a certain level of grace and class, and this feels like a step away from that.

We love our daughter dearly and are proud of the woman she has become. At the same time, we can’t help feeling that this would be a terrible mistake and one she may not fully understand until it’s too late.

How do parents express strong feelings about something like this without pushing their child away?

Still Proud but Deeply Concerned in Cedar Grove