How do we approach a friend with a hoarding issue?
Dear Abby: We have a mutual friend who’s very dear to us. He’s a kind-hearted and generous disabled vet who’s too proud to ask for help. Unfortunately, due to his ill health and physical limitations, his home is unkempt. He lives among piles of dusty trash, empty cartons, unfinished projects, dirty clothes, and even animal messes. It smells very unpleasant, especially in the heat.
The last time I visited, I sat down in what I thought was a “safe” clear spot and came away smelling of cat urine. Despite our repeated offers, he declines our help to clean up. Unfortunately, it’s so bad that people no longer want to visit his home.
He recently volunteered to host a traditional holiday gathering for our group of friends, but if he does, I’m afraid no one will show. (I’m hesitant to eat anything prepared there anyway, and so are others.) We’ve discussed moving the event, but we’re afraid it would hurt his feelings since he really enjoys hosting. Plus, what would we say?
Renting a small hall was our first thought, but he’s insistent and excited for the company. Your advice on how to approach this delicate situation would be appreciated.
— In a Tough Spot in Michigan
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