Neatnik’s patience in cluttered home nears its end

I consider myself neat and organized, but my wife is the opposite — she tends to be messy and disorganized. I knew this before we married, and we agreed that she would make an effort to keep things tidy once we moved in together. Unfortunately, that hasn’t happened.

When she comes home, whatever she’s carrying — keys, bags, mail — often gets set down on the nearest surface. Items pile up instead of being put away, and our living spaces feel cluttered. Our bed is frequently covered with clothes and other things stacked nearly two feet high.

I find myself constantly picking up after her. It’s exhausting and makes me feel like I’m the only one maintaining our home. I’ve tried calm conversations, setting boundaries, and even expressing my frustration in extreme ways, but nothing seems to work.

I love my wife and want our marriage to succeed, but the ongoing mess is affecting my mental health and our relationship. I want to approach this in a way that encourages understanding and cooperation, not criticism or blame. How can we find a solution that works for both of us?

— MESSED UP

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