He Pretends to Be Black — and Calls Everyone Else Racist
Dear Abby,
I’m writing because I’m struggling with how to handle the behavior of a middle-aged male friend of mine. He is white and grew up in Florida around mostly white people, with very little real-life interaction or close relationships with Black people. Despite this, he seems to have developed an obsession with “being Black.”
Online, he regularly uses fake accounts where he pretends to be a Black man. He alters his speech to what he believes sounds “Black” and positions himself as someone who speaks on behalf of Black people. He also frequently accuses white people of being racist and goes out of his way to call others out, even when it doesn’t seem appropriate.
He is a white guy that pretends to be black and calls other white people racist?
What troubles me most is that this behavior feels deeply insulting and, honestly, racist in itself. I’ve grown up around both Black and white people, and I know many Black individuals who find this kind of impersonation and performative behavior far more offensive than the things my friend labels as racist. To them, it feels like mockery, stereotyping, and identity theft rather than allyship.
He seems completely unaware of how harmful this is and refuses to listen when anyone challenges him. He truly believes he is helping, when in reality he appears to be centering himself and reinforcing stereotypes.
My question is this: What should I do? Is there a constructive way to show him how offensive and insulting this behavior is to any race, without turning it into a shouting match or losing the friendship altogether? Or is this a situation where it’s better to step back and let him figure it out on his own?
I would appreciate your advice on how to handle this with honesty, fairness, and respect.
Sincerely,
Done Ignoring Real Racism
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