Canada Orders Toronto Blue Jays Players Euthanized
BabylonBee.com
TORONTO — In a tongue‑in‑cheek statement released after the Toronto Blue Jays’ heartbreaking Game 7 loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers in the 2025 World Series, Canadian officials jokingly “announced” that the team would be retired from duty altogether.
According to the satirical release, the Blue Jays’ defeat had supposedly triggered Canada’s “legendary high standards” for national performance — standards that, humorously, the players were said to have “fallen slightly short of.”
“It’s never easy to say goodbye,” quipped Prime Minister Mark Carney in the parody statement, “but after coming so close and still missing the title, it was time to make the tough call. The Blue Jays gave it their all — but alas, their usefulness has expired, and so, according to our totally real and absolutely not made‑up Canadian protocols, we must ‘phase them out.’”
Unofficial sources within Parliament joined the comedic pile‑on, joking that the team might have earned a reprieve had they pulled off the win. “We gave them every chance, eh?” said one MP with a wink. “Win Game 7 or, well… you know. Tough break, boys.”
By the time the mock announcement circulated, the Blue Jays’ front office was already leaning into the joke, humorously alerting the rest of MLB that they’d be needing an entire new roster for next season.
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