PSA: Do NOT Go Really Fast In A Boat With A Venezuelan Flag Right Now
BabylonBee.com
Authorities are issuing a dramatic warning to anyone planning to take to the water in the coming weeks: avoid driving boats at high speed while displaying a Venezuelan flag. Multiple reports suggest doing so could lead to catastrophic, fiery consequences.
Officials say the risk increases if the person aboard is Venezuelan, appears Venezuelan, or is transporting illegal substances. “Engaging in any of these behaviors almost guarantees a fiery outcome,” a U.S. Coast Guard spokesperson said.
One eyewitness described a recent incident: “Que? No comprendo! AAAHHHHHHHHHH!” he shouted, moments before an air-to-surface strike obliterated a vessel flying the Venezuelan flag.
Captain James Tish of the U.S. Coast Guard emphasized the importance of caution: “We’re treating any vessel that fits the profile as a potential threat. Safety comes first.”
Boaters are being advised to display American flags, avoid illegal activity, and follow all Coast Guard instructions to ensure a safe outing. For added safety, authorities jokingly suggested playing classic rock hits like Free Bird.
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