My Pregnant Next-Door Neighbor Wants Me to Step In for Her Useless Husband

by Dan Kois

I live in a duplex with a shared backyard. I have a small table and chair where I take my coffee or have a glass of wine. I also leave the sliding glass door open but screen shut to listen the birds and get a breeze. But my new neighbor, “Kiki,” takes this as an open invitation to pop over and chat. She doesn’t just say hello. She will scoot over and plop herself down to start complaining and ask me to get her a drink.

Kiki is pregnant, and has a small child and a larger one in the form of her husband. The majority of the complaints are about how he will not help with chores or child care, followed up by excuses about how tired he is from work. At first I was sympathetic, since it looked like Kiki genuinely needed a friend, but now I am sick of her grasping nature. She has dumped her daughter on me more than once at a moment’s notice because of an appointment. Last time, she made a hair appointment and when I asked why her husband couldn’t watch their daughter—well, he was out late Saturday and sleeping in Sunday. I told Kiki I really didn’t appreciate this as my time was precious too. Kiki went on her little pity parade about being a pregnant mom and how hard she had it.

Then, the other night, I was cooking and had the screen open to get a breeze. Kiki popped out like a movie monster and startled me. I dropped my food. Kiki let herself in my house to help me clean up, but told me her motivation was that the smell was too good and she was so hungry with all these pregnancy hormones. I told Kiki I only made enough for myself. Kiki pressed on about how I should cook for her and her family because when the baby is born, they will need all hands on deck.

This isn’t my boat. This isn’t my crew. I am not even on the water. I am not her deckhand!

I feel trapped. I stopped using my outdoor area. I keep my blinds shut and don’t even open the sliding glass door to hear the birds. If Kiki tries to catch me outside I make the excuse that I am in a hurry. I feel like a hunted rabbit.

I got invited to Kiki’s baby shower. She wrote a note that she really wanted me there because she could use a friend right now. I felt a stab of guilt and then a stab of anger. This feels very manipulative. I know Kiki has it hard but the solution is to make her husband step up, not step on me.

What should I do?

—No Fences Make Bad Neighbors

https://slate.com/advice/2024/12/parenting-advice-neighbor-conflict-childcare.html