AITA for telling my kids I don’t give a sh-t if their mom dies and I don’t love them?

“I (56M) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer back when I was 37. They caught it relatively early but I was not expected to survive. About a month after my diagnosis my ex-wife (Sara, 55F) divorced me, took the kids, house and most of our savings. She even turned the kids (at the time 14M, 12F, 11F) against me and I was alone (only child and my parents died in my 20s so no other family) to deal with my seemingly inevitable death. Well except 1 person, my coworker, Jane. She was the only person in the world who seemed to care about me. Before you ask, there was no infidelity, Sara divorced me because ‘she couldn’t be my nurse as she watched me die’. Anyways, the doctors wanted to try to removed the tumor after a few courses of chemo, and I went into remission after the surgery and some more chemo.

“I tried to be there for my kids, but Sara remarried and my spot was taken by her new husband. After a while I stopped calling on bdays and holidays, stopped giving gifts, stopped trying to be involved in their lives. It hurt almost as much as the cancer when I realized I didn’t mean anything to them. I ended up marrying Jane and we have 2 kids. It still hurts but I love my new family and they actually give a sh-t about me.

“Anyways, Sara recently got diagnosed with terminal heart disease and they are struggling financially. My kids called me for the first time in over a decade to ask me out for lunch. I didn’t want to go but Jane said they’re extending an olive branch and to at least hear what they want to say. At lunch they didn’t even [bother] with pleasantries, they immediately jumped into asking me to help out their mom with medical bills. I said no and got up to leave, but my son said that even if I didn’t love their mom, they did and if I loved them I needed to help. I asked them what their half siblings names were, when the last time they called, who they spent the last 2 decades worth of father’s days with, why tf I should give a sh-t about a woman who took everything and left me alone while facing my death or about the kids who wouldn’t even see me before my surgery or at any point when I was dying. They were silent. So I said, ‘I don’t care about your mom, nor do I give a single sh-t if she dies. And I don’t care how bad her dying hurts you guys because I care about you all as much as you care about me, not in the slightest. I won’t help because I don’t love her or you guys’ and left.

“I have been getting calls from my ex’s family telling me how awful I am for saying that to my own flesh and blood. I wouldn’t care but my wife told me that even though I’m right, I was too harsh on them. AITA?

https://toofab.com/2023/11/22/dad-gets-overwhelming-support-telling-kids-doesnt-care-sick-mom-dies/