When the Sous-Chef Becomes the Star

Dear Abby,

For nearly thirty years of marriage, I have proudly been the cook in our household. Cooking has always been one of the ways I show love to my family. I’m not talking about heating up canned soup, either, I mean real cooking. My Sunday roasts come out tender enough to cut with a fork, my chicken soup has gotten our children through every cold they’ve had since kindergarten, and neighbors still ask for the recipe for my apple pie after every holiday gathering. For decades my husband happily ate everything I made and often told friends, “I married the best cook in the county.”

Over the last year, however, something has changed. My husband discovered online cooking shows and recipe channels and has become absolutely fascinated. At first, I thought it was sweet. He would sit with his tablet watching chefs chop vegetables at lightning speed, talk about “building layers of flavor,” and explain the difference between searing and sautéing as if he’d just discovered fire.

Soon he began trying a few recipes himself on weekends. I encouraged him! I figured it would be fun to share the kitchen once in a while. But what started as a hobby has now turned into a full-blown takeover.

Now he insists on doing most of the cooking and that might be fine if it stopped there. But he constantly tells everyone how much better his food is than mine.

For example, I’ve been making spaghetti sauce from scratch since our children were small. Suddenly he makes his own version with fresh basil and red wine and announces at the table that his sauce has “much more depth.” I’ve made roast chicken for years, but now he dry-brines it overnight and declares that mine was “a little plain in comparison.” Even my famous apple pie has been challenged. He recently made one with a lattice crust and proudly informed our daughter that it was “next level.”

He’s even remade some of the same dishes I’ve always cooked, chili, lasagna, and even my beloved chicken soup and then asks everyone at the table which version they prefer.

I never imagined I’d feel competitive in my own kitchen, but here we are. I’m glad he’s found a hobby he enjoys, but I admit it stings to hear my longtime recipes treated like the amateur version.

How do I handle a husband who has suddenly crowned himself the head chef and the superior one at that?

Sincerely,
Seasoned but Slightly Sautéed in Seattle