Democrats warn that if the SAVE Act passes, it will disenfranchise millions of dead voters
Posted For: Rotorblade
WASHINGTON — Speaking to reporters on the steps of the United States Capitol, prominent Democrats delivered a theatrical warning about the Republican-led Safeguard American Voter Eligibility (SAVE) Act, claiming the proposal imperils a “time-honored pillar” of American elections: ballots cast by the dearly departed.
“This goes beyond voter suppression. This is afterlife suppression,” said Chuck Schumer, waving papers he said were “correspondence from long-term constituents who currently reside underground.” He argued that requiring proof of citizenship — such as passports or birth certificates — would effectively bar “countless loyal phantom voters” who, he said, have “quietly participated in democracy since the era of powdered wigs and questionable dentistry.”
Party representatives stressed that unlawful voting by noncitizens is exceedingly uncommon, describing documented instances as “somewhere between nonexistent and statistically invisible.” By contrast, they joked, the “post-living electorate” has reliably influenced tight races for decades.
“These Americans already settled their obligations to society — many through estate taxes,” said Hakeem Jeffries. “Now they’re being told they can’t cast a ballot because they can’t dig up identification from the 19th century. We’re talking about seniors who have been retired for a hundred years. Rural residents who haven’t left the family plot in generations. Women whose marital status is now officially ‘late.’ This isn’t election security — it’s paranormal disenfranchisement.”
Voting rights advocates added mock “data” to the discussion, noting that while millions of living citizens lack easy access to documentation, the “real emergency,” they quipped, is unfolding in cemeteries nationwide. One analyst from the Brennan Center for Justice, requesting anonymity “to avoid being haunted,” suggested that in battleground states, “graveyard turnout” could tip the balance. “We’ve seen candidates rise mysteriously when mausoleums start showing enthusiasm,” the analyst said.
Republicans brushed off the remarks. Bill sponsor Chip Roy said the SAVE Act is intended to ensure that “only living, breathing U.S. citizens participate in elections,” adding that “those who are permanently horizontal may sit this cycle out.”
Undeterred, Schumer closed with a flourish: “We’ll oppose this as long as it takes — and perhaps a little longer. In this country, no one should be told they’re too deceased to matter.”
The SAVE Act cleared the House earlier this week and now moves to the Senate, where insiders say it may be “dead on arrival” — a phrase that, in this debate, carries unusual specificity.
About Post Author
