Warrant issued for woman accused of cutting man’s testicle during break-in
Ohio Woman Accused of Breaking In and Committing Crimes of Biblical Proportion
Toledo police are searching for a woman whose idea of “cutting ties” has achieved new and terrifying literalness.
Authorities say 45-year-old Jeanita Hopings has been charged with felonious assault and aggravated burglary after allegedly breaking into the home of a man she knows and performing what one detective called “a wholly unsolicited field surgery.”
According to charging records, the incident unfolded Tuesday when Ms. Hopings allegedly decided that doors are optional. She reportedly kicked in the front door of the victim’s home with the kind of force that would make a SWAT team applaud, then marched inside uninvited.
The victim—unclothed, surprised, and suddenly re-evaluating all his life choices—heard the commotion, ran downstairs to investigate, and immediately wished he hadn’t. Police say Ms. Hopings attacked him with an “unknown instrument,” a phrase that raises far more questions than anyone wants answered before breakfast.
In a move sure to send chills through every urologist in the Midwest, investigators report that the victim’s scrotum was cut open, leaving one testicle clearly exposed—a level of exposure that no man, or testicle, desires. He was hospitalized, possibly now using two ice packs and a therapist.
Police, describing Ms. Hopings as “armed, dangerous, and possibly carrying sharp objects of mystery,” issued an arrest warrant on Wednesday.
Sources say that until she’s located, area men have begun double-locking their doors, crossing their legs, and offering silent prayers of gratitude for boxer shorts.
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