🚨 Do You Suffer from TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome)? 🚨

Doctors still can’t find a cure, but here are the telltale symptoms:

• Compulsive Comment Syndrome: You can’t pass a news story with “Trump” in the headline without diving into the comments section like a lifeguard on Red Bull, desperate to throw shade.

• Allergic to Good News: If the economy goes up, jobs increase, or peace breaks out, you break out too — in hives.

• Orange Vision: No matter what you look at — Cheetos, traffic cones, the Home Depot paint aisle — you scream “TRUMP!” and start foaming at the mouth.

• Secret Sadistic Pleasure: You find yourself wandering into pro-Trump forums, just to poke at supporters, then sit back with popcorn, giggling like a Saturday morning cartoon villain.

• Midnight Rage Tweets: You wake up at 3 a.m. just to type “dictator!! fascist!!” on articles you didn’t even read.

• Obsessive Fact-Checking Paralysis: You Google “Trump lies” so often your search bar auto-completes it before you type “T.”

• Hallucinations: You swear you hear his voice every time someone says “bigly” or “tremendous.”

• PTSD (Post Trump Speech Disorder): Whenever he gives a rally speech, you clutch your pearls so hard they look like gravel.

• Mirror Syndrome: You catch yourself practicing your next Trump insult in the bathroom mirror, only to get mad when you accidentally sound like him.

• Emotional Seesaw: If Trump saves a puppy, you insist he kidnapped it first.

If you’ve experienced three or more of these symptoms, congratulations — you might have a chronic case of TDS!

But don’t worry, you’re not alone. Millions of sufferers log on daily, searching for their next dopamine hit of outrage. The first step is admitting: “Hi, my name is Karen, and I can’t stop hate-scrolling Trump stories.”

Treatment options include:

• Logging off Twitter for more than 7 minutes (side effects: cold sweats, hallucinations of Trump in the wallpaper).

• Trying a new hobby (knitting, birdwatching, or maybe reading the actual article before commenting).

• Or the hardest one of all… just admitting he might be right once in a while.

This has been a Public Health Announcement from the Department of Common Sense and Meme Medicine.
Please, for the safety of your blood pressure and Wi-Fi router, seek help immediately if you experience sudden urges to yell “ORANGE MAN BAD” at your toaster.

📞 Call 1-800-NO-TDS today. Operators are standing by to remind you to touch grass, hug a puppy, and maybe turn off CNN for an hour.