Dear Prudence,
I have a bit of a strange bedtime ritual. Almost every night before sleep, I turn off the lights, put on my headphones, and listen to music while I sit cross-legged, rocking vigorously back and forth along to the music. While I do this, I daydream vividly about several imaginary worlds I’ve constructed over the years. The movement seems to enhance the daydreams and makes me feel happy and excited, so if I try to daydream to music without music, it’s not the same at all. Sometimes I’ll only do this for 15 minutes or so before I get bored and do something else, or will go straight to sleep. But the best is when I find really great music and inspiration, and then I’ll end up daydreaming for three to four hours. This has been going on in secret for more than a decade, maybe since I was 10 or 11. I really enjoy these daydreams, and am sometimes very excited to get in bed and daydream for a few hours as a way to relax and feel creative.
When I researched this behavior several years ago, the results all pointed to maladaptive daydreaming—a coping mechanism that is characterized by its negative impact on your life. Many stories I read of people who engage in similar behaviors speak of not being able to stop, or of not being able to sleep or even hold down a job because of their daydreaming habits. Some folks also talk about their daydreaming in the context of their ADHD or autism, manifesting as stimming. In my case, I happen to be neurotypical, and find that while I might prefer to daydream before bed, I can fall asleep without it if I’m tired, have an early morning, am sharing a room with someone else or otherwise can’t do as I please. My boyfriend and I are long distance, and during visits I happily go weeks without daydreaming once, and never really miss it. But I always go back to my patterns when we’re apart. I’m a pretty functional and successful person, and it doesn’t feel like my daydreaming is ruining my life. As such, I don’t know if what I do is technically maladaptive daydreaming, but I do wonder if my little hobby isn’t damaging in some other ways.
On a purely practical level, I wear out mattresses way faster than I should. Since I’m in my very early-20s, I just bought my first ever mattress for myself. I know my future options will be to either drop a ton of money in just a few years on a new one, or to live with the back pain which accompanies a lumpy, springy mattress, well-worn from hours of rocking. I also love using loud music while I daydream to really get into it, and worry that I’m damaging my hearing. I also am definitely getting less sleep than I should because I’d just rather live in my head for a bit longer. I also hope to move in with my boyfriend and share a bedroom one day, which would mean changing my ritual and likely a more permanent end for my rocking bliss.
—Time to Stop Dreaming
https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/09/nighttime-ritual-sleep-dreaming-dear-prudence-advice.html