I’ve been with my wife for 8 years now. She has primary custody of her daughter, Santana (9). Santana sees her dad, Mark every other weekend and some holidays.
As I’ve been one of Santana’s primary caretakers for the past 7 years (since I moved in with her mom), I’ve taken care of her more than Mark has and we are quite close. My wife and I went onto have 2 children together, who are now 5 years and 18 months. I’ve been a stay at home dad since the 5 year old was born. As a result, I’m the one making lunches, driving kids to activities, etc. That includes for Santana.
Mark has always felt insecure about my place in Santana’s life. I’ve always encouraged her relationship with her dad, while also been a place she can go to in order to vent about both her parents. I’ve never asked her to call me dad, but I’ve made it clear I love her the same as her siblings. And she’s also said she loves me and considers me her second dad.
Mark also mocks me for my SAHD role. My wife always shuts him down and I just ignore him. He has in the past jokingly called me Santana’s nanny and I just roll my eyes and say “whatever you think, Mark”. I really don’t see him much as my wife will take Santana to her dad’s and pick her up.
However, yesterday, my wife was sick and asked me to pick up Santana. She really couldn’t get out of bed and I knew Mark wasn’t going to drive out to us (he’s refused in the past). So, I went over to his place to pick her up.
He was throwing a BBQ and had some family there. I had never met any of them. Santana ran into my arms, excited to see me and shouting my name. A few people looked at Mark curiously. He laughed and said “That’s Santana’s nanny”. I shook my head and said “I’m her step-father, Greg. Nice to meet you all.” Mark turned red and barely said goodbye to Santana. I didn’t think much of it outside Mark just being Mark.
However, Mark texted my wife later saying I “humiliated him” and given I’d likely never see those people again, I shouldn’t have said anything. My wife told him he’s overreacting and he then texted me, saying I had no right to correct him in his own home. He asked what was the big deal in his family thinking I’m her nanny?
AITA?