BY JENÉE DESMOND-HARRIS
Dear Prudence,
I have an odd issue I don’t think I’ve seen dealt with here. I (66 cis gay man) live in independent living in a retirement community in a large American city with my husband (73 cis gay man) of 30 years. We moved here five years ago when we were convinced by numerous acquaintances that the place was welcoming and inclusive. We counted ourselves lucky to be ensconced here during the pandemic, where we felt protected and all our meals were delivered, etc. We noticed, however, that the lockdown in the retirement community system left some of our singleton neighbors bereft of company, as all activities that couldn’t be performed over Zoom or in-house television channel were forbidden.
During this time, my husband and I began to notice a certain neighbor (female singleton, probably 70s) who seemed to be exhibiting strange behaviors: double or triple masking, odd clothing (almost, but not quite, aluminum foil hats), etc. We (to each other only) began to refer to her as “Crazy Agnes.”
Fast forward to last week, when all the extraordinary precautions are off, and we are all free to move about as we please. I was passing through the lobby on my way to the grocery store.
“Crazy Agnes” angles her way across the lobby to say “I just have to say, those colors (I was wearing a rather flashy silk Hawaiian shirt) are JUST PERFECT on you!!!” I said thank you and proceeded on my way when she yelled after me “But of course, you’re so handsome you could wear any colors you wanted!”
Oy. I most definitely do NOT consider myself to be “so handsome” in any way (sadly neither does my husband…), but I joked to my husband that it seemed Agnes was not so crazy after all! We laughed and laughed. And be it said, I have had MAD crushes on men who were by no means conventionally handsome (looking at you, Canadian college hockey player from 1974…) so I’ve been on the giving side of such behavior.
But, here’s the kicker: Now-Not-So-Crazy Agnes has been sitting in dining rooms and bars here in the “home” where she can look at me for extended periods. It seems that every time I look up from my drink or meal, she is looking at me. It’s starting to creep me out. She knows my husband and I are a couple, nothing is ever going to happen, but I keep getting stared at by someone who has told me I’m “so handsome.”
Am I being paranoid here? Is there some way to stop this without making Crazy Agnes feel weird (any weirder than I feel anyway) or hurt?
—Elder Crush
https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/06/dear-prudence-nursing-home-crush.html