My Mother-in-Law and I Are in a Battle Over the Title of “Mama”

My husband and his family are Cantonese and I am white. The Cantonese term for paternal grandmother and mother is mama. Online it says there is a tonal difference, but my husband says there isn’t and he doesn’t see the issue. When I was pregnant, I said it was fine, as I believed it was pronounced “M-ma,” not “mama.” I feel sick hearing my mother-in-law calling herself/being called “mama” by my husband to our daughter. (As an aside, her MIL passed away before she had kids.) At six months in, I asked my husband if he could ask about alternatives, and he said I had to because he didn’t know what to say. He asked if I’d considered that it was important to her—of course I had! I never asked because I felt so awful about how I felt.

His parents never ask about my work or anything not related to our daughter, so I feel unimportant on this side of the family, which I know is contributing. I’ve tried “How would you feel if my dad was called Dada?” and he said it would be fine. I’ve also asked him to privately just say, “Nice work—I know it’s hard for you to call someone else Mama” after visits, as part of the issue is I feel so alone in this and a whiner if I bring it up with him, and I want to feel like we are on the same side trying to work through it together. He said he would, but he hasn’t. My MIL has recently called herself Mama DiDi in Christmas cards to me only (and never to my daughter). How do I go forward with happy family gatherings? Do I remind my husband he said he would support me? Do I just confidently run with “Mama Didi” and hope it sticks for everyone? Am I just being pathetic?

—Not the Only Mama

https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/06/mother-in-law-mama-title-care-and-feeding-advice.html