When “home” becomes a revolving door for an adult child, how do you reclaim your space? Eric discusses ground rules, privacy, and parental unity.
My 23-year-old stepdaughter moved in with us four years ago. She leaves for days on end and doesn’t let her dad know where she is. We both worry. She has been gone for months at a time.
A couple months ago, I ventured into her bedroom because I had an electrician coming and I found a disgusting mess: garbage and dirty clothes everywhere.
I sent all her dirty laundry (garbage bags full) out to be laundered and cleaned her room.
When she came home days later, she was mad. She took bags full of her stuff, went right for the front door and left without saying a word. She left me a nasty note that said we “violated her privacy.”
It’s been two months and, this week, she said she wanted to come for a visit. When we were dropping her back off at her mom’s, she said, “I will be home Monday.” Her dad and I just looked at each other in shock. Home?
I told him she cannot keep just popping in and out without notice. We can’t tell her what to do, she is technically an adult, but her lifestyle is not welcome in our home.
Am I right to stick to my guns and not allow her to return to our home? What can I say to her dad that may help him understand? He is very unhappy with her lifestyle also, but he doesn’t want to deal with it.
– Sick of It