Dear Prudence,
I’ve always felt unusually attuned to the presence of people who’ve passed on. When I was little, my mom said I used to “play” with my late grandfather. I sometimes seem to know things without knowing how I know them, and I often sense a presence around me. Aside from a few unsettling childhood field trips to historic battlefields, I’ve generally found this sensitivity comforting. Most of the time, these presences feel gentle and unobtrusive, and I’ve liked the sense that even when I’m by myself, I’m not truly alone.
A few months ago, my dad died (my mom passed years earlier). I inherited my parents’ house, and my husband and I decided to move in, hoping to fill it with new memories and, eventually, children. But since we moved in, I feel as if my parents are constantly around. The other night, my husband and I were having an intimate moment and I suddenly felt my dad’s presence, which completely killed the mood. I’m also convinced my mom disapproves of the changes I’ve made to the house—especially tearing down her dining room wallpaper. Once, in the middle of a minor argument between my husband and me, I felt as though they were both “there,” silently taking sides.
I didn’t expect moving into this house to feel like moving back in with my parents.
From my experience, the dead don’t exactly take instructions from the living. And in many ways, I like the idea that my future children might grow up in a home that still feels connected to their grandparents. But I’m struggling with how intrusive this all feels. How can I learn to live comfortably with the sense that my parents are always looking over my shoulder?
—Never Alone