Police: Toledo man stole elderly person’s credit card to buy cigarettes and Four Loko
TOLEDO, Ohio (WTVG) — A Toledo man is facing felony charges after police say he masterminded one of the least subtle identity-theft capers in modern history: stealing an elderly person’s credit card and immediately using it to purchase the holy trinity of regret — cigarettes, alcohol, and Four Loko.
According to jail records, 50-year-old Angus F. Blaze was arrested Saturday morning, presumably after authorities realized that anyone over age 19 buying Four Loko is instantly suspicious.
The investigation began on Sept. 11, when Blaze allegedly “knowingly stole the victim’s credit card without permission,” a phrase police felt compelled to clarify, as if there exists a thriving market of accidental credit-card theft.
Court documents say Blaze also used the victim’s Ohio driver’s license — because nothing says “I’m definitely this person” like being 50 years old and presenting an ID belonging to someone who could reasonably remember Eisenhower.
Blaze then reportedly sauntered into a store, purchased cigarettes and a Four Loko, and somehow expected the universe to let that decision slide.
Authorities say the victim is part of a protected class, which turns Blaze’s actions into two felonies:
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Identity fraud, a fourth-degree felony
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Theft, a fifth-degree felony
The latter becomes more serious when committed against someone elderly, vulnerable, or otherwise deserving of not having their name associated with a Four Loko purchase.
Police officially filed charges on Nov. 20, giving Blaze more than two months to reflect on whether the Four Loko was worth it. Early indicators suggest: absolutely not.
Blaze is now awaiting further court proceedings, where he will presumably have to explain two things:
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Why he stole someone’s credit card, and
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Why, of all possible things to buy, he went with the most chaotic beverage ever created.
Local officials have not commented on the incident, though sources say the Four Loko involved has been recovered and will likely be “disposed of,” probably by someone’s nephew on Thanksgiving.