With wars raging, economies shaking, and global tensions at a breaking point, The Associated Press — the once-revered wire service that helped define modern journalism — has apparently decided that the real crisis of our time is… your dog.
In a lengthy, 32-paragraph article complete with five sections and a promotional video, the AP’s Caleigh Wells warned readers that their beloved pets might be driving climate change. Yes, according to the AP, your golden retriever is now a climate offender.
“One of the most climate-intensive decisions we make is whether to own a pet,” Wells wrote in the Tuesday piece. The reason? Pets eat meat — and meat, the story reminds us, has an environmental cost tied to livestock, feed, and waste.
The AP further laments a trend toward “refrigerated,” “fresh,” or even “human-grade” pet foods — which, they claim, make your furry friend’s carbon pawprint even larger. Because apparently, treating your pets well now counts as environmental recklessness.
To be fair, the article hits one accidental truth: the same ideology that discourages people from having children “to save the planet” is now turning its attention to pets — the only “family” many of those same people have left.
According to Cornell University’s Alison Manchester, there’s “not much evidence” that premium or “human-grade” food improves pet health outcomes. “A lot of it is playing on marketing and treating pets as members of the family,” she said. In other words, people naturally want to care for something that feels like family — something the AP doesn’t seem too eager to understand.
Pet food researcher Billy Nicholles appeared in the accompanying AP video to declare that “dogs and cats both eat pretty highly meat-based diets,” adding, “What do we know about meat? It’s one of the key drivers of climate change.”
Pets have a pretty sizable climate impact. But not all carbon…pawprints…are created equal. So if you’re looking to get a pet, which ones emit the least? And if you’ve already got one, how do you make sure it has the smallest foot (or paw) print? There are some options. pic.twitter.com/T7jliUMF0d
— The Associated Press (@AP) November 4, 2025
Apparently, the cow emissions Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez once warned about in her Green New Deal are now extending to dogs and cats, too.
The AP’s “solutions” are as predictable as they are absurd: stop overfeeding your pets, consider feeding your dog a vegan diet, and choose smaller pets to reduce your environmental footprint. Yes, really.
“Dogs can get plenty of protein and the right balance of protein without actually ingesting any meat,” Manchester said, recommending plant-based diets for dogs. Cats, however, are out of luck — “They rely more on animal products,” she explained, adding there’s no balanced vegan cat food on the market.
So, according to the AP, the answer is to feed your dog like a vegan hipster and feel guilty for owning a cat. And if you must adopt, make sure it’s from a shelter — those animals already have a “priced-in” climate impact, the article notes.
Thirty-two paragraphs later, the takeaway is clear: if you’re happy, healthy, and own a pet, you’re part of the problem.
While President Trump works to restore stability and common sense to government policy, legacy outlets like the AP are busy lecturing Americans about their pets’ eating habits.
Once again, instead of reporting real news, the Associated Press has chosen to wag its finger — this time, not just at you, but at your dog, your cat, and even your dinner bowl.