DEAR ABBY:
I’ve been part of a close group of wonderful women friends for decades. Once a month, we meet for dinner and drinks at a local restaurant. The birthday girl usually picks the spot, and our choices tend to rotate among three regular places.
Once in a while, I skip the gathering if they choose a particular restaurant that I just can’t bring myself to enter. That’s because it’s the usual hangout of a man I’ll call “Bob.” He’s never been charged with a crime, but he victimized me about 20 years ago, only weeks after my first husband passed away. Bob broke into my home, stole items from my husband’s office, and even walked into my bedroom while I was getting dressed. I screamed, but he brushed it off, claiming he was just checking to see if I was “all right” because I didn’t answer the door.
My friends all know what he did, and so does the restaurant owner. But Bob is one of those “regulars” — the friendly guy who buys drinks and tells jokes — so everyone seems willing to overlook his past. Everyone except me.
Just thinking about being in the same place as him gives me anxiety and flashbacks. A few of my friends have told me I should “get over it,” but I can’t simply will that kind of trauma away.
How do I deal with this without losing the friends I care about — or betraying myself by pretending I’m fine?
— Still Healing in Wisconsin