Dear Prudence,
I have the classic “she’s lovely, but…” dilemma. My mother-in-law is wonderful—she adores my children and is a devoted, loving presence in their lives. She is my husband’s only parent. She is aging, eccentric, and, as my teen puts it, “extra.” She brings a lot of joy and richness to our lives, but she’s also a significant source of stress for both my husband and me (his father is deceased).
Sometimes, when I’m feeling overwhelmed, I catch myself thinking about how much simpler life might be once she passes—and I feel guilty for thinking that.
My husband finds his mother stressful too, but he will be heartbroken when she’s gone, and so will my children (and, of course, me). Yet, despite that, I keep returning to these thoughts about her death and the relief from caregiving. We both work full-time and have four kids, so our schedules are hectic. She lives on her own but depends on us for emotional support and other family obligations.
How can I stop having these dark thoughts about my children’s beloved grandmother?
—Mean Inside