DEAR ABBY:
For years, my lifelong friend “Cheryl” and I have had weekly phone chats to catch up on each other’s lives. Lately, though, those conversations have become stressful. Cheryl often talks about her other friends’ problems in a loud, animated voice, using harsh and vulgar language.
What’s strange is that she doesn’t talk that way when we’re together in person — it’s only on the phone. She even spoke about her recently deceased mother in that same tone. Her mother, who’d been out of her life for more than 50 years, had dementia and also used crude language, so perhaps Cheryl picked up the habit from her.
Not long ago, I had a similar problem with another friend, “Louise,” an older woman who would call me after drinking and yell offensive things about my political beliefs. I finally hung up and blocked her number. She’s 78 and openly alcoholic; Cheryl and I are in our mid-60s and do not drink.
After one particularly uncomfortable call with Cheryl, I texted her — politely — asking her to avoid using vulgar words because it upsets me. I explained that I grew up in a household where my father often cursed and shouted, and I’ve made a conscious effort not to speak that way. I’m not uptight, but those conversations trigger painful memories from my youth.
Since sending that message, Cheryl has stopped responding entirely. My request wasn’t harsh or judgmental, but she seems to have cut off contact. Is there any way to mend things and get my friend back, or do I just have to accept that she’s chosen to walk away?
— OVER AND OUT IN OHIO