My teenage daughter, like many teens today, spends a lot of time on social media engaging in conversations about race, social justice, and activism. Overall, we’re proud of this—she’s gaining a broader worldview and actively trying to make a difference at her high school. She is certainly more culturally aware than my husband or I were at her age.
The concern is that she seems fixated on having a Black friend. Her school is about 80% White, and there are only a few Black students who tend to socialize mainly within their own close-knit group—which is completely understandable. She’s even mentioned wanting to attend a more diverse school or summer camp so she can “get a Black friend.”
On one hand, this makes me uncomfortable. Black people aren’t collectibles, and if I were the parent of a potential friend, I’d worry that my child might be tokenized. I also question her motivation—is she trying to gain “social cred” on social media, to interrogate someone about racial issues, or to genuinely learn about a culture different from her own?
On the other hand, I admire her desire to exist in more diverse spaces. When we were choosing a neighborhood or school, diversity wasn’t our priority, and I often wish it had been.
How can I guide her to form authentic friendships, appreciating someone for who they are rather than for the color of their skin?
—Worried About Tokenizing