Dear Prudence,
My husband, “Adam,” and I are currently going through a spat over what I think should have been a situation with obvious next steps. Last month, Adam came home from a trip to the grocery store all excited. He pulled out an envelope and dumped what, after counting, turned out to be $8,500 in cash on the kitchen table. He said he found it underneath the car next to him while he loaded the bags into the trunk of our car and began eagerly going over all the possible things we could spend it on.
I stopped him and asked why he hadn’t turned it in. He said there was “no way” he was doing that. When I pointed out to him that this could be a life-altering amount of money for someone and that whoever lost it was probably in despair over it, he responded that it was, “Their problem, not ours.” I decided not to waste my time arguing with him.
While he was at work the next day, I took the money to the police station. The officer I turned it in to told me that earlier in the day someone had reported it missing—it turned out that it was the money the person was going to put toward a newly-rented apartment (in our area, landlords want three months rent in advance, plus security deposit, so that explained the large amount). The person who lost it later contacted me. They thanked me over and over and said if I hadn’t turned it in when I did, they would have lost their spot and probably been living in their car.
When Adam found out I had turned in the money, he was furious and said I had no right to “take” the money without his consent. I told him that it didn’t belong to us, and from what I learned from the police, we were legally obligated to turn it in because it was an amount over $100. The police would have run ads in the paper and on their website for a week. If no one had claimed it within 90 days, then it would have been ours. My husband says I “ruined the opportunity of a lifetime.” He’s been sleeping on the couch since (his choice) and things have been very chilly between us. This has really been an eye-opener for me in terms of seeing his character. Should I try and salvage our relationship in the hopes that he will come around to seeing that what I did was right, or is this something worth leaving him over?
—It Wasn’t Ours to Begin With
https://slate.com/advice/2025/05/marriage-advice-husband-cash-envelope.html