Dear Prudence,
I have accidentally canceled Thanksgiving and I want people to stop texting and calling me about it. My parents “host” Thanksgiving but for the past few years, my mom has been too frail to take on the cooking or cleaning. And my dad has never been a guy who helps around the house. So my wife and I go over and plan, organize, cook, and clean. The illusion that she’s still in charge is very important to my mom. My parents invite my brothers and their families, and also some cousins.
My mom doesn’t vote, which is bad. But my dad, brothers, and their wives are all socially conservative. At holidays, they’re polite on the surface but quick to announce how “those people are ruining this country” after a few drinks. My wife and I are lesbians, so we’re under the category of “those people.” This year, I pleaded with my dad and brothers individually to consider my rights when they voted. Instead, my dad sent around a congratulatory family-wide text about the Trump win immediately after the election.
I’m not cutting off my family but I don’t need to spend the holiday with them this year and my wife deserves better. I leaned into the fiction that anyone besides us does the holiday work. Instead of telling them I thought they betrayed me in every way, I politely texted my family and told them, “We can’t make it this year but I hope you have fun!” No reasons, no argument, just a polite refusal. We booked a cheap trip to an off-season resort to make it harder to back down. Now, no one will leave me alone. I’m not picking up any calls or answering anyone but my mom keeps leaving me voicemails of her crying. They’ve somehow roped my cousins into texting me. How do I get this to stop?
—You Can Get Takeout Without Us
https://slate.com/advice/2024/11/canceled-thanksgiving-family-advice-dear-prudence.html