How can I tell my mother-in-law I don’t want her to live with us without offending her?
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Dear Annie: My husband has a small family, and his mom is single. My husband and I have two children in elementary school. My husband and I both hope to move to a bigger home in the near future.
My mother-in-law is very nice, and we get along well. She is always willing to help out. She recently retired, and she continues to make comments to me about how she could sell her home and move in with us to “help out.” She only makes those comments when my husband is not around.
We see her once or twice a week. My husband and I are both fully capable and take good care of our children. I do appreciate all she has done, and I do love her, but at times I feel she oversteps the boundaries. Occasionally, she makes comments that can lead to hurt feelings.
I do feel that, at times, she creates an atmosphere in which our rules are ignored. For instance, when Grandma is here and we happen to discipline the children, she says, “Oh, it’s fine.”
I do not want her to live with us, and my husband says that I should just ignore her when she makes those comments.
How can I be honest and tell her that she will not live with us without offending her?
She does have a stubborn streak, and if my comments are not worded correctly, I am concerned she would no longer speak with us for some time, as that happened once before, and it was hard on my husband.
— Feeling Like a Chicken
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