Am I The As*hole? I didn’t attend my son’s wedding, I instead spent the evening with his ex wife.
Quick backstory, after graduating high school my son moved 3 states away for college. At 19 he married a girl he met, I tried convincing him to wait because I personally felt he was too immature. They both dropped out and moved back here to his home town. At 20 they had their first child, a beautiful little girl. 16 months later, my DIL gave birth to their second child, a little boy.
After the first baby, my wife and I noticed our DIL wasn’t happy. We both thought it was PPD related. Just after the second arrived, my son and his wife separated. She would bring the kids over for a visit, it was then she began unloading on us. I know there’s two sides to every story, but considering I know my son, I believed her. I sat my son down numerous times to speak with him regarding his marriage. He refused to take responsibility, blamed her for everything even when I directly pointed out where he was the sole problem.
They got into counseling, for a year things were ‘ok’ on the surface. Our DIL filed for divorce, my son 3 days later was on Facebook announcing his new girlfriend. A month later, they were engaged. My son had forced his then wife to become a permanent SAHM at the birth of their first child. She of course had no other family or friends here, she knew no one aside from us. She had nowhere to go with two small children. Unbeknownst to our son, my wife and I helped her financially and got her an apartment.
Before the divorce was even finalized, we received a wedding invitation. I made it clear to my son, I would not be attending and they would not have my blessing. His mother told him she would see to it that I would attend. I stayed consistent in my decision, I also asked him not to bring his fiancée around our house out of respect for the mother of his children.
The wedding happened on Feb 11. The night before, my wife gave me the finial push. I did not attend. Our daughter, also did not attend for the same reasons. My wife picked up our grandkids, got them dressed and attended the wedding. My daughter and I decided to spend the evening with his ex. I couldn’t imagine her sitting alone, while her kid’s attended their father’s wedding.
She was taken aback that I didn’t end up attending his wedding. We took her out to distract her mind. I just wanted her to know, she’ll always be considered family to us. My daughter also made a joke they can drop the in-law status and just be sisters now. She was very tearfully grateful, I realized just how badly she needed our support and specifically on that night.
The next morning, my son called to tell me how much of a horrible father I am for not attending his wedding. Few days later he caught wind that I spent the wedding evening with his ex. He said that was the ultimate form of betrayal, and further myself and his sister would have to earn an relationship with him on his terms only.
Am I the As*hole?