Posted For: The Jester of Genocide
As the year comes to a close, it’s time to talk doomsday forecasts, my babies, and no one grips us with grim quite like Nostradamus.
Nostradamus, Nos if you’re nasty, was a 16th-century astrologer, plague doctor, accused heretic and bearded seer that has been credited with foretelling the Great Fire of London, Hitler’s rise to power, the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks and the COVID-19 pandemic, to name a few.
Sometimes on the money but more often than not muddily missing the mark, our man’s prophecies lean towards conflagration and catastrophe.
Referred to as the “prophet of doom,” Nostradamus’ bleak world view is believed to have been shaped by heavy doses of the Old Testament and the trauma of losing his wife and young children to illness, presumably the plague. Unable to cure the ones he loved most, it seems he set out to forewarn the rest of us through his revelations of ruin.
Who is Nostradamus?
With the publication of his famed book “Les Prophéties” in 1555, Nostradamus gifted the world and its future generations a quasi-poetic tome that predicts wars, pestilence, natural disasters, civil unrest, political assassinations and other such sunny stuffs. Heavy on language like “blood rain,” the book is an enduring classic, and with 2K23 on the horizon, we’re taking a look at what fury and hellfire lay in store. But first, a look back.
Nostradamus’ predictions for last year included the rise of AI, the conquering power of cryptocurrency and a surge in cannibalism as a response to inflation. How’d he do? While bitcoin has gone bust, inflation remains at an all-time high and not for nothing, “Dahmer — Monster,” Netflix’s controversial ode to the famous flesh-eater, became the second-most watched show in the network’s history.
With a bone toothpick in hand and a weary eye on the year ahead, read on for our overview of Nostradamus’ predictions for 2023.
Global warming and lots and lots of dead fish
In a fun little passage of imminent marine annihilation, Nostradamus predicts, “Like the sun the head shall sear the shining sea: The Black Sea’s living fish shall all but boil.” This one checks out, folks, as recent research suggests many of the most commonly eaten fish species could face extinction as a direct result of climate-change warming, i.e. boiling, the Earth’s oceans. With one of humanity’s major food sources in peril, maybe we’ll take to eating each other after all.
Buckingham Palace ablaze
Nostradamus predicted 2K23 will see “Celestial fire on the royal edifice.” Taken literally, this could mean a meteor is headed straight for Buckingham Palace, burning down the house if you will. On a more metaphorical tip, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, who recently released a “bombshell” Netflix series detailing the dark deeds committed against them by the crown, have taken aim with a different kind of fire power, lighting up and tearing down the reputation of the royal family as we know it.
World War III
Nostradamus writes that 2K23 will find the world embroiled in, “Seven months great war, people dead through evil.” This could apply, albeit a bit late to the firefight, to the devastating conflict in Ukraine which thus far has been marked by war crimes and a heavy civilian death toll. In terms of the “evil” Nostradamus blames, hate-mongering, death-dealing, Libra Vladimir Putin comes pretty close to personifying it.
The prophecy points to the conflict escalating into a full scale world war in the year to come, which, given the nuclear arsenals at stake could equate to apocalyptic levels of destruction. But wait! It gets worse, like antichrist worse.
Nos writes that in or around 2023, “The antichrist very soon annihilates the three. Twenty-seven years his war will last. The unbelievers are dead, captive, exiled. With blood, human bodies, water and red hail covering the earth.” In a surprise to no one, the antichrist is a dude with blood lust, which means he could be lurking under the lies and necktie of any number of global politicians.
With mention of war and unbelievers being “dead, captive or exiled” there’s strong indication that the antichrist could be Putin himself, though Elon Musk’s Halloween costume and the Twitter response to it suggest that madman is also in the running. As an aside, if the “red hail covering the earth” sounds anything like the album of the same name by Armenian jazz musician Tigran Hamasyan, it ain’t so bad. Here’s hoping 2023 won’t be either.
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.